Jennifer and John Campbell
Reprinted from http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/nwssumfl02.htm#campbell
For a newly engaged couple, learning Natural Family Planning is informative,
interesting, at times a little embarrassing, but always enlightening. Living NFP,
on the other hand, is a different story. It is a story about connections, very
unique and fulfilling. It involves the use of information learned which we then
apply to the reality of everyday married life.
At the beginning of our married life, we used NFP to avoid pregnancy, as the
time was not right for it. Currently, we are using NFP to achieve pregnancy. We
were delighted to find that the two focuses of NFP have made our young marriage
both more focused and more intimate.
Unlike artificial contraception--which usually places full burden of family
planning on the woman--NFP promotes shared responsibility of the fertility of
both the husband and wife. It lends a spirit of togetherness to a marriage.
There's no, "Have you taken your pill?" That is, "are you safe?" In our marriage
there's no holding back that precious part of ourselves–our fertility. Rather
than a burden to be dealt with, for us it is a blessing to be understood and
respected. The complete self-giving says, "I love all of you."
The benefits of NFP extend beyond family planning. We'd heard that often times
the husband will develop a deeper respect for his wife and the gift of her
fertility. In practice, we've found this to be noticeably true. A constant
awareness of cycles and "phases" makes it easier to perceive when to be loving
and gentle, extra patient and thoughtful, and when to resume physical intimacy.
Unlike a contracepting couple, sex is not always an option for two who are
living NFP. That's a good thing, contrary to what popular culture might imply.
By experiencing times when we can not engage in physical intimacy, the moments
that we can are made all the more poignant and precious. Even when we want to
engage, and the chart says "no way, buddy," it lends an element of bittersweet
waiting. After all, consider the alternative: when a woman is on the pill or
using some other kind of chemical contraceptive, she's always available for sex.
There's no waiting, no longing, just indulging whenever you want. Nice at first,
perhaps, but over time spontaneity and passion fade all the more quickly by the
frequency of the intimacy. Oftentimes sexual intimacy will becomes less mutual
over time in a contracepting marriage and more mandatory, and thus less
rewarding for one or both spouses.
Periodic abstinence in our marriage has opened up broader channels of
communication between us. Like many young couples, we both are currently
employed. Commuting, daily exercising , paying bills, preparing dinner, outside
commitments . . . all are busy but necessary activities in a healthy lifestyle,
but collectively tiresome as well. Tired couples find it difficult to talk in
the evenings, and would prefer to "veg out." We're no different. But since NFP
holds the key to our family planning, we necessarily discuss personal and
intimate topics about our fertility that most couples never broach. These NFP
talks are portholes to deeper discourses and more personal dialogue between us.
We've both noticed that with time, open and intimate communication is becoming
less a difficulty and more a reflex, and we both attribute that in part to NFP.
We've found that subjects such as our budget, work, saving for a house, and
where we'll spend Christmas are child's play after you can discuss mucus and
temperatures with a straight face!
Yes, NFP can be a challenge and a sacrifice at times, and we're not saying it's
always easy, but that is part of true love– a bit of sacrifice for the beloved.
We find a noble joy in sacrificing ourselves for each other, even in so private
a way as withholding intimacy until the time is right; self-sacrifice is an
important root element of love, and it builds respect for each other and
ourselves. We've also found that a sense of humor helps during the times of no
physical intimacy. When the signs of fertility were apparent, we'd jokingly say,
"Ok, see you in a few days." We've heard some people say they could never follow
NFP since they can't have intercourse during the time that they want. We've
found that the time of abstinence gives us moments when we can just be together
and talk, play tennis, joke, or go out to dinner. It reminds us that we're much
more than just physical beings wanting to satisfy a desire.
We're both happy to have learned NFP and to be living it. We know that it is
enriching our marriage in our every day life and even in ways we probably won't
realize until much later. Knowing that we're building a strong foundation of
love, mutual respect and faith gives us confidence in our future. We're best
friends who love each other enough to want the best for each other and our
marriage!
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Jennifer and John Campbell live in Virginia.