Chapter 4, Part V: Caring Counselor (True Story)

One Tuesday morning about ten o’clock a seventh-grade counselor called a student’s home.� He asked how everything was at the home.� The parent responded� “fine,” and politely inquired about the counselor’s family.

The counselor proceeded to explain that one of the teachers had said that their child had been tired since early in the week (since this was only Tuesday morning, the parent considered that it still was early in the week).� The parent explained that since the kids had just started back to school the day before from Easter break, they were still trying to “get in the groove” of school, and that their child liked to stay up late reading.� The counselor said the same was true with their children.

After returning home from school that afternoon, the parent shared the telephone call with the child, and asked if anyone at school had said anything to him about being tired.� The child said that a teacher had asked if he was tired, and the child replied that he had told the teacher that the parents had kept him up late the night before praying.� (Whether the counselor had been told this or not is not known, since the counselor hadn’t mentioned it to the parent during that morning’s telephone call).

The family’s home routine included nightly family prayers before going to bed, usually after the homework has been finished.� Sometimes it got pretty late.� The night before the phone call, the younger child was still doing homework at 11:00 P.M.� The older one (the “tired” one) announced he was going to lie across his bed and read.� The parents asked him not to do so since he might fall asleep and miss family prayers (again).� The parents offered to say their night prayers right away before the younger child finished doing homework but he replied, “No, I’ll just sit in here and read where you can see me.”

It was explained to the child that the school may be thinking that the parents were barring him from his room until all hours of the night praying, so he needed to explain to school that he was up late reading.� He reluctantly agreed.� When he came home the next afternoon and was asked if he explained that he had been up late reading he said, “I told them I was up readin’ and prayin’.’”

The whole thing was kind of funny but also worrisome since the Missouri Student Assistance Program (MOSAP)� lists being “tired” as a behavior of concern� for which students may be “referred.”� See the chapter titled “What Is a ‘SAP’?”

School “care teams” observe children, looking for “behaviors� of concern.”� Such children may be referred for “prevention” programs or recommended to the special school district.� These children may be “screened” or tested to see if they are eligible for funding and programs through the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act� (IDEA).

The parents felt certain that the counselor was simply following-up on a student who had been “referred” for a “behavior� of concern” which may indicate a problem at home which could effect the student’s academic success.

The child’s father, who is especially calm and unshakable, was concerned when he read “constantly tired” among the list of behaviors� in the MOSAP Handbook.� For the first time he began to understand his wife’s watchful concern.� The parents provided the school with a written request for a copy of their child’s file, and asked a written response as to whether or not their son was still tired in class.� The counselor was very cooperative, and apologized for the need to fill out a form for which there was a $1 charge.

The parents felt the counselor was a genuinely good man and thought very well of him.� However, since the telephone call had dealt with what was happening in the privacy of their home, they didn’t know whether to be thankfully impressed with his thoughtfulness, or worried that he was obligated by some law to send the Division of Family Services� to their home.

While the intent was sincere, such interventions invade one’s home life.� This places a tense and non-productive wedge between school and home, as well as between child and parents.

While schools are doing what they can to help families build “healthy” and “non-dysfunctional” homes, how are such terms defined?� Who defines these terms?� There is a wide range of “normal,” and “normal” may differ from family to family.� A family may consider such practices an insult and an invasion of privacy, making it difficult for schools to be perceived in a positive light even when their intentions are sincere.